Doki Doki Literature Club: At Peace
by KetsuekiAkuma191
Summary: Shadow committed suicide after completing Doki Doki Literature Club for the hundredth time and each time he did, he always tried to save everyone but the one person that he wanted to save the most was Monika. On the last run, he knew that he couldn't save anyone, so he wrote a letter. A letter that described everything up until now. He thought that he would be at peace.
1. Chapter 1

"This is my final goodbye to the Literature Club

I fully understand. The Literature Club is truly a place where no happiness can be found. To the very end, it continued to expose innocent minds to horrific reality- a reality that our world is not designed to comprehend. I can't let any of my friends undergo that same hellish epiphany.

For the time it lasted, I want to thank you. For making all my dreams come true. For being a friend to all of the club members.

And most of all, thank you for being apart of my Literature Club!"

With everlasting love,  
Monika

"Not again..." No matter what I do, I can never save all of them. Not even Monika. This was the hundredth run that I did and even after trying different tactics, everyone always ends up dead. Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki, and...Monika, they were the only reason why I'm still alive. It doesn't make sense why someone who's suicidal, would play a game that has a risk of making you go suicidal, and the characters are the only reason why I'm still alive? It just doesn't make sense.

There's just nothing else to live for. Not my family, not even my five-month sister... I'm just pathetic. I can't even live for my sister that's not even a year old!

Tears soon begin to erupt from my eyes as suicidal thoughts swarm my mind like bees to a hive. _I can't anymore_ I look to my drawer underneath my desktop and I open to retrieve razor blades along with a pencil and a sheet of paper.

"Mom, Dad, if you're reading this, then it means that I'm no longer alive and I have committed suicide. I'm sorry that you have to lose me this way, haha the funny thing, if this can be funny- no it can't be. It's pathetic. I can't even bother to live for my sister, that just shows how pathetic I am. If you are planning on taking me to the hospital, don't bother. If I survive this, then I'll just do it again. I don't have anything to live for.

I'm sorry that I couldn't live longer for you guys to see me off to college. It seems that I don't have any time left so these are my wishes that I hope you'll follow.

1) Do not let Ashley find out that she had a brother. If she somehow finds out, I left a recording for her under my bed. She is not allowed to watch it until she turns sixteen, even if she protests.

2) I don't want you to drown in sorrow

3) Stay happy and positive, even if it hurts

4) Lastly, Dad, try to fill my position as a big brother for Ashley for me

Goodbye."

Looking over the letter, I felt like I was doing something right but at the same time, it felt like no one would care. Should I talk to someone about this? That thought echoed through my head but it was soon overwashed by a memory. "But I feel like I would just be wasting your time..." I let out a slight chuckle "Is this a coincidence? I'm about to take my life and I think about what Sayori said? Hehe, that's truly weird. It's not like I have depression, I just don't feel like living anymore."

Grabbing a piece of tape, I tape the letter to my chest and begin to make my way to the bathroom quietly. "Shadow? W-What are you doing up this early? It's 02:35 in the morning." I quickly look at my mom and look back to the bathroom door "I'm just going to take shower." I open the door and close it. I let out a sigh in relief and began to walk to the tub and turn on the faucet and let the water run. Walking back to the mirror, my heart began to race faster. Looking into the mirror I could only see a pathetic excuse for a human. "Seems today is the day," My reflection soon grew a disgusted look which didn't surprise me "Look at you. Pathetic. Suicide? What's the point? Are you that weak?"

A small smile grew on my face "Maybe. I can't even live for anything so maybe I am." Looking back at the tub, it was half full and I look back to my reflection "Seems like it's our time." My reflection only growled in hate as I begin to get into the tub. The water wasn't hot nor was it cold. Reaching my hand into my pocket, I grab the razors and begin to line them up with the veins in my wrist and made sure that they would cut deep and I begin to fill my lungs up with air until they couldn't be filled anymore._ No going back. On three. one- _I moved my right arm back in quick session and flinch at the sudden cut. My hand soon was starting to feel a bit numb and a small handful of blood started to pour out, I quickly did the same to my right arm and I then lay down while trying to not focus on the pain.

_Well, I did it. I finally did it. I guess I should do it one last time. _

"Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you  
In my hand is a pen that will write a poem of me and you  
The ink flows down into the dark puddle  
Just move your hand - write the way into his heart!  
But in this world of infinite choices  
What will it take just to find that special day?  
What will it take just to find that special day?

Have I found everybody a fun assignment to do today?  
When you're here, everything that we do is fun for them anyway  
When I can't even read my own feelings  
What good are words when a smile says it all?  
And if this world won't write me an ending  
What will it take just for me to have it all?

Does my pen only write bitter words for those who are dear to me?  
Is it love if I take you, or is it love if I set you free?  
The ink flows down into the dark puddle  
How can I write love into reality?  
If I can't hear the sound of your heartbeat  
What do you call love in your reality?  
And in your reality, if I don't know how to love you  
I-I'll leave you be..."

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"Wake up my child." That voice... It sounds so gentle, so warm "Wake up." My eyes felt so weak, my whole body felt so weak. I put so much strength into my eyes to force them open which they did but they felt so heavy.

What my eyes could take in, they showed a light blue sky with white clouds. It looks so peaceful. As seconds that went by after I opened my eyes, my body began to regain strength and I was able to lift my body up slowly. When I lifted my body, I began to look around to find that voice but I couldn't. _Maybe I wasn't supposed to find that voice, maybe that voice is supposed to find me? What am I saying? This isn't how I think. _"Sorry, I do that to everyone." Looking to my right, I saw an old man who has weird facial features. Long white beard, very short white hair, and his eyes looked like he was a wise grandpa.

"I'm God if that's what you're trying to figure out, my child." A blank stare was all I could give to that response. It could be true. I mean, I did just do suicide who knows how long ago, so he could be telling the truth "Alright if you are really 'God' then show me my body." With a calm snap of his fingers, we were in the same bathroom at my house and looking at the tub, I actually saw my body. The tub water was deep red and my left arm was still dripping blood onto the floor. The note was wet but it still seemed readable. "Let's say you're actually 'God', why did you want to talk to me? Out of all of the other humans, you chose to talk to me. Why?"

In an instant, we were back where we were before. "You committed a very sinful act in taking your life. I know the reason behind it, but I couldn't understand why you did it." God questioned "I don't know either. Maybe it was because I couldn't find a reason to live?" I responded which made God go silent "Right before you passed, you were singing. What was that song? It held a meaning behind it."

"Your Reality. It was made by Monika, a character in a game I played." I responded, "What was the meaning of it?" he asked "The meaning behind it was to show how walls separate us between our reality and hers and the only way she could really communicate was through writing. The metaphors Monika used were to show how she had control over the script and every time she would try to make the player fall in love with her, it would always backfire which resulted in one of the girls dying. Basically, the song is supposed to be viewed from her point of view and the metaphors represent what she went through,"

God nodded at what I said "Before when you asked why I chose to take my life, I said that I didn't know. Now, I realized, maybe it's because I want to be with Monika. I know that it seems dumb but-" "Do you want to be in her world?" My eyes widen instantly "Wha-What?!" I asked, "Do you want to be in her world?" I swear I must be hearing things "Are you serious?! Are you actually saying that you can send me into her world?!"

"That's correct." He responded "Yes, please. If I have to do anything, I will." God raised his hand and closed his eyes "There's no need. Just close your eyes." I did as he said and instantly felt my insides were my outsides.

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My eyes soon opened and when they did, I saw that I was in a normal room and for some reason, this room seemed awfully familiar.

"Shaaadoooww come on! You're going to make us late for school!"


	2. Chapter 2

Looking at the very left of the room, the door to the room was instantly opened like someone kicked it open and when said person entered the room, I was shocked.

"Shadow come one! You're not even dressed! And you say I'm the lazy one!" In front of me is S-Sayori?! _What do I do, what do I do?! Should I act normal?! _"S-Sorry, I-I overslept." I quickly got up and for some odd reason, I went straight to the closet and a school uniform was there and I knew where to go, that just creeped me out. "H-Hey, Sayori d-do you think you can let m-me change?" I asked making Sayori smile and nod "I'll be downstairs, hey Shadow, do you have any cookies?"

"In the jar to the left of the refrigerator." There I go again. That's getting creepy. Sayori cheered and closed the door and I could hear her run down the stairs which made me let out a sigh. I then proceed to put the uniform on while I talk to myself "How can this be? I thought God was just kidding. Either this is a dream that seems to be very realistic and this is a lucid dream or I'm actually in Doki Doki." After putting on my socks, I walk to the door and begin to walk downstairs _If this is really Doki Doki, then I need to find Monika, she can help me and...I can finally confess to her._

Putting my shoes on, I look behind me and I see Sayori eating a whole jar full of cookies which made me look at her with a surprised look. I guess the game wasn't exaggerating when it says she can eat. "Come on Sayori." I then open the front door and walk out. "H-Hold up Shadow!" Sayori puts the jar down and begins to jog towards me.

As we walked to school, we had that same conversation that the main character has with her which surprised me...but the conversation was reversed. Instead of her waking up late, I was and she was asking me. "So, Shadow, are you joining any clubs this year?" That question instantly grabs my attention and makes me excited. I look at Sayori with a smile "Yep." I said casually as I try to keep my excitement hidden. Sayori instantly makes a surprised face "What?! What have you done with Shadow?! I want my best friend back!" Sayori yells as she hits my arm "S-Sayori what do you mean? I'm right here." I responded which made her look at me "The Shadow I knew, never wants to join a club!"

_She does have a point, why didn't the main character never want to join one? _"Well, it's a second to last year of Highschool, so I thought why not join a club?" Sayori soon looks at me before she asks another question "Let me guess, it's the anime club?" I grew a mischievous smile "I'm planning on joining the Literature Club." And as if on cue, Sayori stops in her tracks "Y-You're joining my club?!" She asks with a surprised face "Yeah, aren't you the Vice President of that club?" I ask as I received a nod from Sayori. "So, when do you plan on joining?" Sayori asks which makes me ponder at her question "Today, right after class." I responded which makes Sayori smile "What a coincidence! Natsuki made cupcakes!"

We kept talking all the way to school but when the school was in eyesight, the bell began to ring so we ended up running.

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Classes went by faster than I expected. I expected them to go by the same time as they were back in the real world... Wait. If I'm inside Doki Doki, then does that mean I'm inside of a computer?! But how does that work, does God really have that kind of power to bend time and will? Ahhh! Thinking about this is so confusing!

I don't understand how I could even think further onto it, but somehow I did and in doing so, I lost track of time and I was the only one in the classroom. "Shaadoowww. Earth to Shadow!" Sayori instantly brought me out of my prison which I'm sad to consider it my thoughts. "Wh-What? Oh hey, Sayori." I said with a dull tone which grabbed Sayori's attention "You okay Shadow? Your eyes seem dull." Sayori said as she stared into my eyes which made shake my head "I'm fine, I'm just so confused about something." I responded.

"What is it?" Sayori asked as we stepped out the classroom "It's confusing. It's about something which I don't know how to explain very well. It's like I'm in a game and there's a God and I want to know how he did it and each time I try to figure it out, I just get more confused." I explained as we kept walking. "Shadow-" "Yeah, you don't understand either?" I ask "What? No, I just want you to hurry up, you're walking slowly and I can't wait to eat Natsuki's cupcakes! Now come one!" Sayori grabbed my hand and begins to run with me behind her.

We passed several classrooms while running and I felt like each classroom we passed, the faster Sayori got. "We're here!" Instantly, we both stopped and by some miracle, I didn't fall on our way here. Sayori quickly slides the door open and grabs everyone's attention. "Hey everyone, we have a new member!" Sayori shouted gaining only two people's attention. "Ew, you brought a boy? I thought this was an all girls club, what a way to kill the atmosphere." Natsuki said. Said girls physical features included: Pink hair, around Sayori's height but a bit shorter and she seemed to be around a middle schooler age group.

"Now, now Natsuki, don't be so rude to the new member. Welcome to the Literature Club, it is a pleasure meeting you. Sayori always says nice things about you." Standing next to Natsuki is a girl who seemed to be more mature than anyone else in the room. Yuri, as it seems, looks more mature and her physical features seem to be the same as Monika's but her hair was purple and left alone, her eyes are purple, and her chest was slightly bigger.

Looking around the room, I spot Monika at the desk in the front of the room writing in her journal. "Hey, Monika, sorry to bother you but are you going to say hi to our new member?" Yuri asks and seconds later, Monika looks up with her eyes closed due to her stretching "Ah, sorry, I was just too immerse in writing this new poem. So who is this new mem-" As Monika opened her eyes, they instantly met with mine and hers widen making me smile and wave "Hey Monika, missed me?"

Monika quickly stood up and ran towards me and hugged me which I did the same. Everyone stared at us with their eyes widen and they began to whisper, preferably Yuri and Natsuki. "How do you think they know each other? Do you think they're dating?" Yuri asks "Him and Monika? No way." Natsuki retorts "Friends maybe?" Sayori asks "When did you get here? Weren't you standing next to him?" Natsuki asks in a surprised tone "I was, but then I came over here."

"Shadow, what are you doing here?! I thought you would be at home?" Monika asks as she emphasizes on home "Well, I thought I _would_ be too, but I thought 'Why not be in a club just for the Highschool memories for when I look back on them before I _die_.'" I responded making Monika ponder at my question before her eyes widen at my secret message. "So, I guess introductions and an explanation is in place. I am Shadow, nice to meet you all." I said with a heartwarming smile making Yuri smile calmy "I'm Yuri, it is a pleasure as well. This here is-" "I can introduce myself without your help you know. The names Natsuki, punk. Now, how do you and Monika know each other?"

Everyone then starts to stare at me and Monika "Do you want to tell them or should I?" I ask "I got it, I'm the president anyway. Ahem, so, I knew Shadow since last year since we were both in the same class last year and he helped me become a better person you could say." Monika answered as she flashed a smile. Everyone then gained a satisfied look and began to move desks into the shape of an O making me confused _I'm such an idiot, they're going to eat cupcakes. _Not knowing what to do, I just take a seat in between two empty chairs and the one on my right was soon filled with Monika. Monika then begins to whisper into my ear "Is it really _you_?" Monika asks as I gain a smile "Your favorite color is emerald green." I responded making her eyes widen "I-It really is you? Shadow please tell me this isn't a bug and this is real."

"You don't have to worry, I'm real. I'm not going anywhere." I responded making her smile "You owe me an explanation." She said with authority in her voice "Do you think you can come to my house for that explanation?" I asked making Monika nod "I'll get the cupcakes~," Sayori says to everyone "Hey! I made them, I'll get them!" Natsuki shouted "Sorry, I got a little too excited~" Sayori responded, "Then, how about I get some tea as well?" Yuri suggested. She then went and started to go prepare it as Natsuki proudly marches back to the table tray in hand "Okaaay, are you ready? T-daa!"

Everyone gazes at the tray as Natsuki lifts the foil to reveal dozens of white, fluffy cupcakes decorated as small little cats. "So cuuute~!" Sayori said 'I had no idea you were so skilled in baking Natsuki!" Monika praises "Eh. Well, you know. Just hurry and take one." Sayori was the first to grab one, then Monika, then I followed shortly after. As Sayori took the first bite, she instantly smiles "It's delicious!" Sayori eats the rest in one bite.

I then began to turn the cupcake, to find the best angle for the first bite. Natsuki then falls into silence and I couldn't help but giggle at the turn of events. "W-What's so funny?!" Natsuki asks "You think I don't notice you taking glances at me?" Natsuki was just about to say something until I cut her off "Don't worry, I'm positive I'm going to like it." After I finished my sentence, my tongue felt like it was in heaven! "It's sooooo good! It tastes like heaven! Thank you!"

"W-Why are you thanking me? It's not like I... Made them for you or anything." Natsuki whispers the final part making sure I didn't hear _sorry Natsuki but I already know what you said. _"What was that?" I ask "N-Nothing!"

Yuri then returns to the table, with a tea set. Slowly, she sets each cup in front of us and finally, she places the teapot next to the cupcake tray. "You guys keep a whole teapot in the classroom?" I ask "The teachers gave us permission. Besides, isn't a hot cup of tea-" "Help you enjoy a good book? It does actually." I finished making Yuri along with everyone else surprised "H-How did you know what I was going to say?" Yuri asks "Well, I do the same thing so I just assume you were going to say the same thing." I responded making Yuri nod.

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Time flew by faster than I was expecting. We all had fun. I probably had more fun now than I did in the past school year. The sun was setting and everyone was starting to leave, Yuri and Natsuki were the first to leave and it was just me, Sayori, and Monika. "Come on Shadow!" Sayori said energetically making me sigh. "Alright," I turn to Monika who was just smiling at me. I gave her a smile and left.


	3. Chapter 3

The walk home was interesting. Sayori bombarded me with questions like "Did you and Monika ever date?" and other types of questions. I gave her honest answers but some of the answers, I had to twist them to make it true. "What do you know about depression?" As soon as Sayori heard depression, she flinched which didn't go unnoticed "You think I wouldn't notice?" Sayori just stays quiet as we kept walking which just prompts me to continue talking "You're showing signs of suicide and judging by your smiles, you're close to doing it...aren't you?"

Stopping, Sayori nods her head slowly which makes me let out a sigh "Listen here you goofball," I say as I started walking which she did the same "you think by doing that, you're solving a problem but you're really not. By choosing suicide, you're only going to cause more problems for others. Even if you think you're doing the right thing, just know that if you do it, I'm going to hate you for it." I explain "Y-You'll hate me for it?" Sayori asks as I karate chop her head "Of course I will. I mean who wouldn't hate their best friend for committing suicide. That's why I want you to make me a promise." I said "I don't want you thinking about suicide ever again. If the thought comes to mind, I just want you to think about sunshine."

The view of my house started to come into eyesight as did Sayori's and that made Sayori say something "How did you know?" She asks as she stops in front of me "I've been depressed before and I almost did suicide." _Well, I did do suicide_ Sayori quickly looks into my eyes with hers widen which made me nod "Surprised? You didn't think that I wasn't like that?" Sayori nodded slowly and she had tears starting to build up in her eyes "Listen Sayori. If you're going to ask how I got over my depression and avoided suicide, it's all because of Monika." I explained which makes her gain a surprised look "Yeah, during the summer, I ran into Monika and she kinda knew that I was going through this and she helped me through it. She was the light that cleared my darkness." I said as I rub the back of my head "Why? Why help me then?!" Sayori shouted as her voice began to break _not what I was expecting _"I just feel like I need to return the favor. Monika helped me through my depression and I just feel like the only way I can repay her is by helping people that are in my situation. But that's not it. You're my best friend Sayori and best friends don't leave best friends alone."

Sayori's eyes started to be covered by her hair which made nervous "Sayori you oka-" before I could finish my sentence, Sayori hugger me tightly which made me flinch. Maybe five seconds after Sayori hugged me, I felt my shirt get wet so I assumed she was crying which made me start to choose my actions carefully. I hesitantly start to move my hands closer to her and slowly hugged her back.

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After Sayori went into her house, I went to mine and right as I opened the door, I was instantly blushing. Standing right in front of me was Monika in nothing but a towel. Silence instantly flooded the room, leaving Monika and me blushing "Sh-Shadow!" Monika quickly picked up a shoe that was next to her and threw it at me which accurately hit me in the face making me fall to the ground. "Ow! What the hell Monika?!" I shouted as I stand up while holding my forehead and leaning on the wall. I look to Monika who was now in a pair of black joggers and wearing a black, red, and white t-shirt. "S-Sorry, I didn't expect you to open the door," Monika replied as she giggled and walked towards me and as she was close to me, she grabbed my arm and wrapped it in between hers.

"But this is great. Welcome home, now can you please hurry up and get changed so you can tell me why you're here." Monika said in a serious tone as she smiled and kissed me on the cheek and went to the living room. _I think she's going to kill me _Taking off my shoes, I proceed to walk up the stairs and go to my room to get changed. Once I reached my room, I open the door and walk in and I quickly look back to make sure Monika wasn't following me. Seeing as she wasn't, I let out a sigh and close the door and walk to my closet and proceed to get into some more comfortable clothes which consisted of red shorts and a white t-shirt. Once I changed, I went downstairs to the living room and saw that Monika was sitting on the couch with her arms crossed and her leg over the other one.

"Sit." She said in a serious tone. I quickly sit in front of her on the table and we just grew silent. We stared at each other, waiting for one of us to say something, it was quiet until Monika spoke. "How are you here?" Listening to her words, I ponder at them and try to figure out how I should tell her. _I doubt she's going to be happy about how I even got here_ "You're not going to like the answer." I respond making Monika raise an eyebrow. She grew silent once again, her eyes closed and then she started to remember what I told her before. She pieced what I told her before and now and when she did she opened her eyes and got up from the couch and walked over to me "Moni-" My head turned to left and I was now looking at the wall and my cheek now has a stinging pain to it which indicates Monika slapped me "What's wrong with you Shadow?! How could you do that?!" She yelled as I rubbed my cheek trying to ease the pain. I look back to her to see that tears were overflowing her eyes and she was shivering "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Shadow you did suicide! What was the reason that you had to do it?! What even made you want to even think about it?!" Monika yelled as she began to pace around the living room out of anger "Well, the reason why I did it was because of you." Monika instantly stopped and looked at me with her eyes widen "I wanted to be with you and it was a huge gamble I took. Each time I did a new run, I would always try to save all of you but I just couldn't so I just stuck to you. But that didn't end to well, so that's why I did it. There wasn't even a chance that I could be with you and I didn't think about it. But you know, the last thing I did before everything ended? I sang your song." I said as I stood up making Monika rush at me with a hug. I then started to rub her head as she began to cry into my shirt "I'm sorry, I really mean it. I didn't want that to be the way for me to see you but it was the only way that we could see each other."

"H-How...did you even get here?" Monika asks as she looks at me. I gave her a simple smile with my eyes close "It turns out that God had a soft spot for me and gave me a choice to be with you." Monika just stared at me while I just kept my smile "I'm not kidding, God gave me a choice."

As I open my eyes, I saw that Monika was leaning in for a kiss and due to me being slightly taller, she wasn't able to reach me. I place my index over Monika's lips making her open her eyes and gain a sadder look "I'm not going to take advantage of you while you're emotionally vulnerable. It just won't feel right." I said with a smile making Monika gain an angered look "Shadow, I just want one simple kiss, is that too much to ask? I know that it may seem like it but I just want one kiss from you. Please?" Monika pleaded "Sorry, maybe later down the road, I can give you one."

"Now, you hungry?"


End file.
